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Sunday, August 14, 2005

Visions of Sanity

So, it's the end of this weekend...and not a moment too soon...or is that supposed to be the other way around? Well, I just know that this weekend has been a bit of a blast...and when I say 'blast' I mean it's been memorable because I've had some insights into my life. Now, I have to say that I don't remember them all...but the important thing for me was that they happened, and it was fun being in those locations for them to happen.

Saturday, 13th August, 2005
Walking down to MG Road. People shopping and crowding the streets as usual. Street vendors and hawkers selling everything from peanuts to socks to belts and jewelry. Still, in the midst of the crowd, you realize that you are an individual. You look around you and you see people like you...but you can't relate to any of them. You know that you can't reach out to them the way you are. So, you plod on, trying to go by unnoticed. Then, it begins to rain. Seated beneath a concrete canopy I see people rushing towards me as they flee the advancing rain drops. Again, a crowd, yet no connection. Eyes stare incessantly...trying to connect...but the hollow lenses belie nothing. Ideas, they come up on you before you have time to react. Everything makes sense in the fraction of a second. But in the very next instant, it all falls away.

Sunday, 14th August, 2005
Wake up. I'm still at a friends house. No wait, it's not her place. The place belongs to a friend of hers. Watch TV. It' s been on all night. I'm watching some movie...don't know what's going on. Need to fix myself. Get up and drink some water. And now to determine the events of the rest of the day. Inhale. Aahhhh.... Bliss. The burning in the chest will always does. Fleeting moments, the world becomes a better place. Life is good. It's comfortable to be. Get some food. The constant chewing gains rhythm, and so it becomes a thoughtless action. Is this being? New arrivals...awkward silence. Why does it have to be this way? Conversation, curiosity, and questions. It's an overacted formality mistaken for sincerity. Is this who I am? Empty smiles in return for paperbag promises? And now I wonder...

Tomorrow is India's Independence Day. 58 years after we gained the right to govern our own lives we're probably less in control of things than at any time before. Still, I raise my hand to my heart and sing along. Unity in the idea of one can dispute the ideal which is the one dares dispute the action that comes of this ideal.
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