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Saturday, November 05, 2005

Past Psychotic Episodes

Well, I finally did it. I went to Kerala for Diwali. And before I forget, a Belated Happy Diwali to you all! Thanks for the greetings Lavi, he he he. Cho chweet!!! Coming back to the Kerala thing, while there, I dug out this little scrap book in which I'd written some 'stuff'. Some of it was, well, was poetry or so I thought. But now that I read it it seems to be a lot of free verse type stuff. Oh, and not to mention the stuff that it tries really hard to be very depressing. Well, I thought I'd post some of the stuff and try and provide some background knowledge, well, as much as I remember anyway. I'd like to dub this first one Folly of a Grave Malayalee. Hahaha. No no no. Let me call it Down and Almost Out. Why? Well, for those of you who knew me at this time in my life, I was a bit of a wreck at times, and a wannabe wreck at other times. The good ol' days...
Down & Almost Out: The Feigned Wisdom of Jax
1) The love of life and self themselves are the greatest loves.

2) Life is a force so strong it comes like a wonderful feeling of enlightenment...and leaves like a thief in the night.

3) He that does not want life should not be denied it, but rather, should be given a newer meaning for it.

4) In thinking of death, we die. In the quest for death, we live to see what tomorrow brings.

None in this multifaceted world of ours wishes badly of others with no reason.
But because not having a reason is reason enough, then we all commit the same gross sin.

The quest for true love is such,
That one seldom finds it.
The search for truth is tough,
But no one will admit it.
The perfect life, is nonexistent
But life itself achieves perfection in the moment.
To live it, is to die.
To die, is to leave.
To leave, is to live.
For we all leave behind that which we desire the most,
Life itself.

So, there you have it folks. Imagine what it would've been like to see someone who hardly ever spoke, made a totally ghastly sight at times marooing gangsta effect, and who thought the end of the world was nigh...or that the sky would fall on his head. Not a pretty sight I assure you. Watch out for a picture of Phelps Dorm in the near future. Wait, I don't know if I've posted it already or not. If not, watch for it.

About what I wrote, well, what can I say... It came at a time when it looked like the world was about ready to cave in on me, and the only way that I could deal with it was to try and run away from it. So much for that theory. I don't know really, but having to deal with not knowing what next after spending 10 years at Kodai School, coupled with the fact that I lost a good friend in our last semester at KIS. Pretty rough. I got into a relationship too. It was good, and I was the $@%# up. Not to mention there were lots of 'other' things going on. And there were times when I used to think about what had happened, and I found that it was a learning process for me. I learned that it was possible for another human being to be there when I close my eyes, and be gone when I open them. I learned that it was possible to be lost in life, and not know where to go, or have the inclination to try and do something about it. I learned that it was possible to be arrogant in love, and that being that way never achieved or resolved anything. I learned that there was a fine line between being friends and acquaintances...good friends and odd acquaintances. That was what was on my mind when I was writing this. Notice how apart from just mentioning stuff in true no-shit-Sherlock fashion, there isn't really anything there. Oh well, that's another side effect of the 'teenage' years...thinking you're cool! Feigned wisdom, indeed. Hmm...

Well, it's only the beginning, so to speak, but any comments on how it compares/differs from some of the stuff that I've posted/written more recently?

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