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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Yet another Mallu revelation...

My friend Lavi sent this to me. And I must say that it was the most hilarious thing that I could have come across this morning. Well, hope it's as 'funny' for you as it was for me. And Lavi bro, I know you have this secret thing for South Indians...especially the 'hunnies'. It's all good bro. And that's why I love you, eh?

Check it out people...

Statutory warning: If you are not a South Indian or have no experience of things South Indian, it might be pointless reading further.

Extra Statutory warning: If you are a Mallu with the pride of Kerala in your loins but no sense of humour to go with it, DON'T read any further.

It has been a well kept secret for eons, shrouded in mystery and mazes of deceit, but finally Itty Boben Jacob Elias Kuruvilla from Pazhookaville, near Thelmasherry, Kerala has consented to let us publish what has been till now a highly classified Mallu formula, on the naming of Mallu kids.

1. Select a combination of both the mother's and father's names.
Example: Suresh and Sharon = Susha or Joseph and Beena = Jobi.

2. The addition of a 'mon' (meaning son) or 'mol' (meaning daughter) is optional.
Example: Sushamol, Jobimon

3. To attach a modern Anglicised feel to the names, the mol or mon can be replaced with boy or girl.
Example: Jobiboy, Sushagirl.

4. For the politically correct Keralite family, mol and mon can be replaced by the universal 'kutty' (child), which can be used for both boys and girls!
Example: Jokutty, Susikutty

5. Even parents having combination names can still give their children suitable names.
Example: Libi and Jobi = Lijo

However, in the scenario where the parents already have combination names that cannot form more comprehensible child names.
Example: Itty and Amukutty, would produce only Itam (which doesn't even sound like a name) or Amit (which is like Northie and stuff!!!!), then...........

A. Use an English word like Baby, Merry, Titty, Pearly, Smiley, Anarchy, etc.

B. Use a combination of two English names that you think sound cool (but never cool enough) like Meredith + Gina = Megi, or Sharon + Darlene = Sharlene

C. Use a name from the Bible (Use one that even Velliammachi can pronounce) like Jacob, Sam, John, Joseph, Mathew or Jijo!

D. Use a name that sounds like a cuss word but isn't. Eg: Boben, Prussy, Shagi, Justin Timberlake etc.

Note: The use of the letter 'j' is useful in the naming of sibling where names that sound alike are a novelty. Example: Ajji, Sajji, Majji, Bhajji and Nimajji, or Sijo, Lijo, Jijo, Anjo, Panjo, Banjo.

By the way, what do you call a Mallu kid who sticks his nose into other people's business?

Ans: Pokemon
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