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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

When is enough really enough?

So, you show up to work everyday. You're always on time, and there hasn't been a day you remember that you've not been productive. But as time goes on, you find that you've learned a little something. There are things that you identify that can be improved upon. And you're all ready to go out and turn your workplace into the power house that you know it can be. But your suggestions fall on deaf ears. All those that you once looked up to are now your strongest opponents. And then you're left confused...staring blankly at a computer screen wondering where the hell you went wrong.

So, you think you're in a relationship. Well, it may not be a real relationship, in the traditional sense of the word, but it sure seems that way. You know, like you've been calling each other every night, and you spend a couple of hours during the day everyday telling each other "sweet nothings". And you begin to feel like in spite of all that had transpired in years gone by, this is the start of a truly wonderful thing. But then you wake up one morning and realize it wasn't what it was. In fact, it wasn't even a dream that you woke up from. No... It was more like a drug-induced euphoria that you knew was going to end just didn't realize it would happen this way...or this soon. And then you begin to question who you are and what you're doing on God's green Earth.

So, you think that nothing else bad could happen to you. You think you've seen it all, and that nothing worse could happen to you. You go into a's one you've visited before. While you're housed in your own abode of misery, you find that your interactions with people have taken on a venomous hue. Your view of the beautiful world that you once loved being a part of has changed to one of waiting for the ultimate deadline. You drag your feet, your shoulders are slouched, your head hangs heavy and your verbal abilities have degenerated to a tongue that hasn't been spoken since Australopithecus roamed the planet. And then each passing day becomes, for whatever reason, a worse and somehow unbelievably frustrating repetition of the day before it.

But in the midst of the quagmire that seems to be pulling you under, you stop and think. At first, it's a spark, but you quickly sweep it under your mental rug of gloom. Yet, it doesn't go away. No. It seems to be hanging around, like the kid who was never cool enough to join your gang, but was always willing to take your shit in the hopes that one day he would be part of all that's cool. So, unlike the kid, you decide to give it a chance. Before you know it, it's just like that song goes, "It only takes a spark, to get a fire going..." And then you wake up to a nightmarish reality...that you're the one who isn't in synchrony with the world around you. Nope. You've been sitting around being awed one moment and disappointed the next, never really figuring out why whatever happened happened. And then you smile. Have you been a jackass all this time? Is your biggest problem the fact that you had a different notion of what was going on...or what was supposed to happen and how it was supposed to happen? Have you been asking too many why-questions instead of "Is there anything else that I can assist you with today?"

And then, without realizing it, the world smiles back at you. It looks at you and seems to say that you're alright after all. You may have taken a little while to come to, but you have...and that's what's important. There's a little bit of you that wants to stick around and wallow in the sea of complaints-and-other-things-that-are-not-in-your-favor. But you realize that it's not worth it. You've seen plenty of examples of people who have been wronged by the world and have spent their entire lives trying to figure which came first: the mistake or the person who made it. That's not what you want to do. So, like the timid turtle sneaking a peek at the crazy world that we're all a part of, you take your first apprehensive step. You realize that you never forgot to walk, it's just that you didn't want to. And then, well, you realize you've had your moment of 'misfortune'...but you seem to remember someone telling you that "fortune favors the brave". And the sordid details of your life are no more worth the trouble than those of the rock that worries about one day being reduced to a pebble...or the tree that lives in constant fear of being turned into a toothpick.

And then, you realize, that like everything else and all the things that have happened to you, you're just a part of the rock and the tree.
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