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Thursday, May 11, 2006

A Malayalee Lapse of Reason*

Here I sit, lost and forlorn.
Came in to work, but all my mind did was wander on and on...


It's not very clever, I know, but then again, it's the lack of this cleverness that is my focus here. I've often argued that I was born this way, which is why I happen to be oh-not-so-clever. In fact, I've often blamed it on the slightest of possibilities that one of my parents dropped me on my head when I was still a baby. But why blame one's own cerebral malfunction on people who were only partially responsible for it, eh? Hahaha. I'm sure that as this post goes on there'll be plenty of examples of this sort of thing. So, be sure to brace yourselves people...this is going to be a rough one.

I woke up this morning with my head feeling a little, oh how shall I say, a little not-all-there. Glancing down at my cell phone I noticed that the hour was truly unGodly. 4:37 am seemed to be staring back at me as I lay there with my head half up, resting on one elbow wondering what in the blazes was going on. While on that train of thought, the one where I was thinking, "What the f*ck," I realized that time had left me behind in my random and fruitless ponderances. The time now read 4:53 am. Wow! A whole sixteen minutes of wondering. What was that bit about time flying when you're having fun? Well, no fun here. Not even adequate sleep, which just made the up and coming day seem that much more daunting. "But that's just a mental block," I told myself most soothingly. Yeah, that and the big wooden block between your shoulders! Gently whispering, "Get back to sleep you moron," I proceeded to resume my log-like, yet somehow unnervingly staccato slumber.

Upon opening my eyes, I saw that the sun had risen behind closed curtains. So, I got out of bed, folded the sheets away, and got ready to greet the day. "Oh, wait a minute. Go brush your teeth you fool!" said I to myself, even before myself could tell I that I was just about to do that. Or was that supposed to be myself was just about to do that? Annnyway, walking up to the wash basin I glanced into the mirror and found myself looking a little skewed, and in technicolor to boot!

Thanks to Hans Taeger. Check out more psychedlic art and sketches at http://www.iol.ie/~taeger/psydicky/psydicky.htmlDid I need to shave? Oh yeah. That too. But the head continued to feel like it had been much abused...and it has, mind you. And after that, one thing led to another, as it usually tends to in this "great big rat race called life". So, from taking a shower, to eating breakfast, to getting to work, and looking through the business for the day, it was all a mindless series of actions. Yeah, rather mindless, now that I think about it...but only a couple of seconds on that whole bit and it looks like I've turned the corner again...a wrong corner, even.

And that wasn't very helpful. The mushy feeling in the head, that is. I found the more I began doing something, the more my thoughts were all over the place. And the more I tried to focus, the more it seemed that the next instant would see me staring at the computer screen with a lot of white noise in the head. "It's just one of those days," I muttered from time to time. But even being one of those days, or at least knowing that it was didn't help me one bit. It seemed like one of those things that I'd have to get through by hoping to cause the least damage possible. If I could describe the events, or at least the thinking that seemed to dominate the day it would have to look like this.

Thanks to Ken Keller. Check out more fractal art at http://fractalartgallery.com/Frankly, I think this is a splendid example of fractal art, and it's quite possibly the first time I've seen it take on a shape or scenery of some sort. But going back to the state of mind for the day, I'd have to describe it as one of utter chaos, but of a seemingly organized nature...except, I couldn't find that organization. Nope, for the life of me I didn't seem to be able to grasp what was going on.

I even tried to just let things go and drift along to see where the day would lead me. However, and much to my disappointment, the head seemed to want to question where things would drift to, or at least, to imagine where things would go. So, there I was, still feeling lost and forlorn and all the rest of those aimless emotions that people usually divulge when reclining on the shrink's couch, when all of a sudden I looked outside. "It's 3:45 pm on a hot Bangalore day. So, why the hell is it so dark outside?" said I posing an ever-so-innocent question to the other denizens of my cranial cavity. "Well, Duh! It's going to rain, just like it did yesterday and the day before you idiot," came the reply. And confusion or not, I grabbed my things and rushed home to beat the downpour...mindless though this act may have been.

*And for those of you wondering where you've heard this "lapse of reason" thing before, it's a transmogrified version of the title of a famous Pink Floyd album.

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