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Friday, November 28, 2008

My way or my highway

Apart from the grammatical error, it seems to tie into another idea that I've come across in my life: to give as good as I get. Sounds a bit like revenge, but really it's more like returning the slap rather than turning the other cheek. Sure, this may be the kind of thing that separates us from animals, but no one stops to think about why we need this distinction...or what it really means.

Well, maybe you don't see the connection, but having had the experience of spending every waking moment trying to make people happy, and experiencing near-death grief when anyone expressed disappointment in me, it's safe to say that I've lived my life according to everyone else. But not anymore.

The transition is still on, but with each new day I feel more dangerously confident. Why dangerous? Because I think I haven't figured out how to temper aggression with common sense. Soon enough, however, I plan to arrive at "assertiveness," an acceptable form of aggression in society. But I don't see what's wrong with plain ol' aggression, except getting my behind whupped from time to time.

In conclusion, there is a lot of truth in the fact that people only express concern when you don't seem to conform to their version of your life's script. Having someone talk to me about how disappointed they are that I acted differently than expected used to leave me in emotional tatters. But now I'm learning to not let myself down first, before I worry about what people say, or will 'possibly' say. It used to be a constant nightmare of tiptoeing through a purgatory of making other people happy. I'm not afraid to live my life the way I want because I've realized that no matter what you do you're always 'disappointing' someone. You can never win this way. So, the next time someone tells you you've changed, remember to take it as as a sign that you have stepped out of their mould. And don't forget to thank them for letting you know. Then, enjoy the freedom, and fly away. :)

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