I've just about had it with being nice. So much for all the being polite. It's worthless. It's useless. Bending your back to help people only results in them being able to sit back and find fault with something else. Or, they pat you on the back with a "Nice job" comment, and give you more shit to deal with because you did so well the last time around. Hardy har har! Who needs this in their lives? Well, "Not I," said poor ol' me in an instant. It was breaking out of this endless cycle that became hard to do. Silly little Malayalee! I didn't seem to be able to break out of the way I was going about dealing with this kind of thing. My kindness training had become the way I lived life. However, I was about to learn the hard way, that the wages of being kind are death by lack of reciprocation, exploitation and a severe helping of bitter reality.
My head has been filled with notions of be-kind-to-your-brother, love-one-and-all, etc. But, in my life thus far, the only thing you can be sure of getting back, if at all you expect something in return, is a slap in the face. Or maybe a curse or two. That's all you ever get. Whether they say it to your face, or they smile when you're standing in front of them and they save it to attack you from behind. This world is full of "backstabbing Philistines".
And the only way I find I can deal with them, is by calling them up for their bullshit and being in their face about it. People around me don't seem to take criticism well, especially not when it comes to how they're doing things. Some of the guys whom I've interacted with are downright heinous sons-of-bitches, and I'm sure I can take several leaves from their books about how to have my cake and eat it too. Come to think of it, I'm not sure I'm the poster child of how to take criticism either. But, as often as possible, I don't interrupt and say anything until the person giving me their opinions is finished. When all is said and done, however, I still reserve the right to take whatever I want to, with a pinch of salt, and to ignore the rest. ;)
Coming back to the main bit though, about being a bastard, I get the feeling that this is my time to start shining in the "bastard glow", if ever there was such a thing. Like I said at the start, I've had it with being nice. People end up remembering you for all the wrong reasons, like thinking you'll be a good and honest guy to get the team dinner organized. This year is the "Year of the Bastard". This is the year in which I, Rohin Kallat, will attempt to explore this aspect of my character. For too long have I shied away from life. From taking on the injustice meted out to me. It's reached it's saturation point. Or, as some others like to say it, "The shit has hit the ceiling." I know there are times when I may end up being a little too much of a bastard, or being one when it's totally uncalled for. But, the thing is, I won't really know what it feels like to slip into this skin if I don't explore and discover my boundaries. So, here's to boldly going to where I've never been to in Bastard-land.