Label Cloud

#1000 a new destiny A Training We Will Go About Me Africa Alaska AmitD Baby John Foundation bandicoot Bare Minimum beach Beginner-Chef Bengaluru bike bitter gourd bitter melon bitter squash blizzardofoz blog blossom BunnyB Cats Central America Chathurthi Chennai Civilization composting connections Content Writer content writing cookery cover shot culture curry leaf Daya Death dj dogs dreamy-dreams Dubai Earth Day eco-friendly ecology Eichhornia crassipes email forward English? environs Eudaimonia Europe Chicago existence extinction Facebook Fiction flora flower food foto-RK freswater fruit fruit tree Funny Business? future-simple Ganesha garden garden gardening gardening gargantuan Google+ grammatically correct guilt health holidays/festivals hopelessly romantic hopelessness human condition Hyderabad identity idol India Indonesian insect inspiration int-Ro-spec-shun interesting? Internet Service Italian ival Jagannath Temple Gate JamminGlobal Jay Kannaiyan John Paul Aguiar Kanyakumari karavella karela Kenya Kerala Kodaikanal Kovalam laddu Lake Nakuru lakes large Lesser bandicoot rat Life life story lily longevity macabre Mahabalipuram Mahe Masai Mara Mentor message Mexico milestone Miscellanea mission mogs Momordica charantia Mountain Lodge movie movie reference mushroom music mutation Nairobi NaNoWriMo National Novel Writing Month nature news-related O1M online online presence Ooty Oroku Saki our world Oxyopes bimanous party pest photography Phuentsholing pink Place of worship Poetry point-and-shoot pomegranate Practice Write profile profile pic Purpose railway station Rain Lily recipe recycling relationships religion/faith RK rodent sapling search engine optimization SEO short story sign social media South America spider Sri Vilas sump Sun-Mar teaching Thalassery The Dark Side The End The Muskoka Foundation Thirupathi Thiruvananthapuram Tirupati Balaji touristy travel Tribute Trivandrum Airport Incident twisted past Twitter vegetable Vinayaka Visarjan Visual Tonality Photography waste water hyacinth water purification water treatment web content World Writing yellow Zodiac

Friday, April 03, 2009

Ambitiously Ambivalent

I have always tried to answer one question that seems to plague my very existence. In spite of several repeated attempts to quell this unseemly curiosity, I always find myself stumped with the myriad responses that I come up with. "What are you doing here?" This the question that I have trouble coming up with an appropriate answer to. And, I don't know why. It seems to be one of those torn-between-believing-in-fate-and-creating-my-own-destiny kinds of dilemmas that come through my head every now and again.

The joking response has always been to look around me and go, "Well, I hope I walked into this place to grab a bite to eat. I mean, why else would I come into a restaurant?" It's stupid, I know, but this kind of nonsense, or sheer senselessness is just a mechanism to not have to deal with anything pertinent.

Do I know where I'm going? Do I know why I'm doing what I'm doing at the moment? Do I have any idea of where I want to be? Do I know why I put one foot in front of the other each and every day? Do I know why I haven't ever stopped breathing in spite of the numerous times I've almost lost my life? Do I believe in god or am I a victim of the circumstances that I create for myself? Do I believe that my life has been laid out before me and that I am going through the motions like I should? Do I know why I don't smile when I wake up most mornings? Do I even realize what it means to be truly apathetic towards existence, and all life around me? Am I apathetic? Isn't it just a defense mechanism that kicks into gear every time I find that I don't want to involve myself with something? Like the stupid questions I try and answer whenever I'm trying to make light of some situation or the other. Is there more to it than that? Where do I begin? What am I looking for? Do I even know the answer to one of the questions here? Am I ever going to find out. No wait. Am I ever going to let myself find out? Does it matter? Do I care? Do I know what I'm doing here? Well, do I?

Bookmark and Share
Post a Comment