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Monday, June 15, 2009

Mowing the lawn, old school


That's me in the jungle of a lawn out front. It hasn't rained for a couple of days, but the rain that we did receive turned this patch of what was once stone and mud into a knee-high jungle of grass and other assorted wild plants. I thought it was time to get down to making it look like people still inhabited this place, wild-growing lawn and all, and the folks at home applauded my sincerity and drive. It's almost as if I'd proclaimed that we were going to rise up and make our stand against an alien invasion; I could just about hear trumpets blaring. Backed by such enthusiasm and fanfare, I dove into tackling the problem head on.

What the people at home failed to tell me, however, was that the house lacked an appropriate implement to go about this task. Immediately, my vociferous supporters fled their ranks, and any questions about what my next steps would be given this gaping hole of a discovery were quickly dealt an I-don't-know blow to right where it hurts the most. So, reeling from this shocking coup de indifference, I decided to put my own brains to good use and come up with a viable solution. Again, I could hear trumpets, but they were further away this time.

Perhaps a trumpet could've been just the thing that I was looking for; it would have been easier to choose between lulling the wild lawn into a blissful retreat and beating it into submission. This wasn't to be the case, unfortunately, because the use of brains that eventually led to ransacking the house in search of a suitable lawnmowing implement turned up a pair of dull scissors and a snap-off blade. As if that wasn't splendid enough, it turns out that the cats use this strip of land as their toilet. :-| So, with a what-the-hell-did-I-get-myself-into, I got down to some mowing the lawn from when human settlements first formed civilizations.

I only got halfway through before the stench of cat faeces made me want to gag so bad I just couldn't take it anymore. On this finalistic note, two questions crossed my mind: 1) Why in the world was I doing this when I knew that this was an open air cat toilet?...and 2) What the hell were we feeding these little beasts? ;-) Oh, and that's not a smile on my face, trust me.

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