I thought about removing myself from the “job hunting” game the other day. I mean, it’s been close to a decade since I’ve started working professionally, and in that time, I have had to rely on the online job portals like Monster, Naukri and Timesjobs at various points, but often not meeting with the same kind of success that I have been known to experience when doing things myself and going the traditional route. But that’s not why I wanted to quit. I think it has more to do with making a statement to myself about the lack of willingness to be employed by people and organizations that have consistently said one thing and done something totally different. While this itself may in some way be the very essence of human nature, it has always been irksome to me join a company as a willing idiot who will do anything to see the overall company succeed, only to end up adopting all the habits and other behavioral and mental patterns that seem to be sending the company to its certain and untimely end. In fact, it has happened with practically each and every one of the companies that I have worked for in India, if not outright and blatantly in the open, then behind closed doors and under chewing-gum-encrusted tables. No matter where I have worked, the spiel that they give me during the final round of interview, which is usually the time they’re pretty much sure they’re going to hire you (unless you end up demanding an exorbitant salary, or insist on coming to work on Friday nude because that’s your interpretation of “Casual Friday”), to what ends up happening before the week is out has been so vastly different that I’m surprised I’ve persisted with being employed.
It has come time for me to figure out what do with my life, not from the point of view of anything “meaningful” or “fulfilling” in the generally aggrandized sense of that word, but simply so that I like doing what I’m doing, and find a source of motivation other than losing a day’s wages for not showing up to keep me coming in. I guess I could say that I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, but it hasn’t been until now that the means and ways to make this happen have kind of revealed themselves to me. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the first business idea that I’ve had, but in its own special way, this has been a business idea that seems to put me in control of myself and the resources that I need to develop a passion or hobby into a career. Having said that, I think I find myself in a clearer headspace to accept what I have and what else I need to do to get to where I want, without the constant dissonance of filial obligations from a family that I have essentially been a spectator, whichever “side” of the family that is. More importantly, I think I’ve finally started to let go of the illusions that I had about a particular certainty to life, one where saying my prayers and doing my best and doing only what was right and expected of me I have now recognized to be the illusions handed down to me by my parents, and their parents before them. It’s sad to think that in the last hundred years, much of the world, developing or otherwise, has just continued to go through the motions unquestioningly, or without any particular desire other than to overthrow what was not working and hope for the best. That was the lot of the hippies and their movement based on nothing more than love. And that is ironically the same kind of end that people in my parents’ generation seem to have hoped for, except they mostly followed all the rules. But if it’s one thing that growing up in the latter system while analyzing the former has taught me, it is that “hope” on its own can manifest itself as the world’s greatest motivator, or as we see all around us, as one of its biggest threats as the silent masses cling to the hope of eternities, perishing where they stand.
Back to what I started out talking about, I guess the decision to remove myself from these job portals came because I saw no point in using the services that have yet to serve me. Furthermore, other than having a ready copy of my resume online, and may be a draft or two of a cover letter that I could send out in a dash, once I learned that I could host my resume on VisualCV.com, that kind of ended the USP of a portal where I could access jobs from all over the world and all the rest of it. So what next? Well, I’m sticking to what I’m doing right now, writing for websites, people, and things, and keeping my side projects going, all in the hopes of leading me to the vivid dreams I used to have as a child. Oh, those were something, let me tell you, but surprisingly enough, they seem to have been buried under all the nonsense and shenanigans of a teenage and adult life, so much so that unearthing recently felt like it had knocked the wind from my lungs. Makes me wonder about the kinds of dreams that all these little children mopping floors and swabbing tables in restaurants across India have had to give up, not to mention put up with, in order to be able to put a little food on the table. I guess I’ll never truly admit to myself how fortunate I really am, being more willing to take the hard path because I believe that life is all about the experience, no matter what that experience may be. So, enough of seeking out work that by its very design and definition will not satisfy the masses, and time to accept the path that I have been forging, half-assed to be sure, but forging on my own nonetheless. Here goes…
Before I go, and should anyone want it, I'd be more than happy to give you my perspective on what it has been like in a career that has seen me span two different but related key skill areas, before I finally decided to put it all behind me, that is. ;)